IN DEFENSE OF JAVASCRIPT

Mock it all you want-but it runs the world. Possibly even literally.

- SHEON HAN

LEX FRIDMAN HAS done many long interviews on his popular podcast. Even so, the episode with the legendary programmer John Carmack has an unhinged director's-cut feel to it. Over five hours, Carmack dishes on everything from vector operations to Doom. But it's something Fridman says, offhand, that really justifies the extended run time: "I think that if we're living in a simulation, it's written in JavaScript."

To review: JavaScript is what makes static web pages "dynamic." Without it, the internet would resemble nothing so much as an after-hours arcade, lifeless and dark. These days, the language is used in both front- and backend development for a whole host of mobile platforms and apps, including Slack and Discord. And the main thing to understand about it, in the context of Fridman's nerdy koan, is this: For any self-respecting programmer, admitting to actually liking JavaScript is something of a faux pas-much like an art-house filmmaker confessing to Marvel fandom.

I suppose this has something to do with the fact that JavaScript was created in less time than it takes to home-brew a jar of kombucha: 10 days. In 1995, Netscape hired a programmer named Brendan Eich to create a language to embed in its browser, Netscape Navigator. Originally called LiveScript, the language was renamed JavaScript to piggyback on the hype around an unrelated language called Java, which had been introduced earlier that year. (Asked the difference between Java and JavaScript, a programmer is likely to joke: "Java is to JavaScript what car is to carpet.") To this day, few people consider JavaScript a particularly well-designed language, least of all Eich. "I perpetrated JavaScript in 1995," he once said, "and I've been making up for it ever since."