WHY I'M LETTING GO OF MY RESENTMENTS

The practice of releasing bitterness and animosity just might help you live longer.

- LOUISA ROGERS

A few years ago, my husband Barry and I were backpacking near our home in Northern California. The last afternoon, as we headed back to our van, I began to feel grumpy, and without thinking about it, I started having a heated monologue with my sister, out loud. I don’t remember my exact words, but I know the gist of it because all my conversations of that type had a familiar rhythm. “Look,” I said. “Would you just listen for a change? Come on!” and I continued in an aren’t-you-an-idiot tone of voice.

Barry turned around. “Who are you chuntering to?” he asked, frowning, using a British term for muttering that’s his word for when I’m telling someone in no uncertain terms that they’re wrong. God forbid I tell them in a friendly way that they’re right! Hilarious, I know. I sighed. Why was I doing this? Talking in this beautiful place, going on and on about something so negative?

Although that was the beginning of a shift in my pattern of irritation and resentment, I didn’t feel really motivated until I began reflecting on my sister’s death of pancreatic cancer at age 60. My mother had died of the same cancer at 53, and my stepmother of colon cancer at 70. As I thought about them, I couldn’t help noticing that all three struggled with chronic irritation and resentments. Did their inability to let go and forgive have anything to do with their early deaths?

Of course, many factors contribute to cancer, and not everyone exposed to these risk factors will even develop the disease. In addition, many lifestyle habits contribute to cancer and early death. My mother, for example, smoked. None of the three was physically active. And my sister dealt with serious stress for years, both as a parent and in her workplace.

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