Should we normalize separate bedrooms?

Experts and frustrated couples on the booming 'sleep divorce' trend

- By Christine Sismondo

If you and your partner are sleeping in separate bedrooms, you’re not alone.

Experts estimate that somewhere between 25 and 40 per cent of couples have separate sleeping arrangements but, since there’s still stigma attached to what some call “sleep divorce,” we may never know the true figure. Most of the people I interviewed for this story, for example, spoke only on the condition of anonymity: One woman said her husband would be “mortified” if their sleep habits made the paper.

But the reasons people gave for sleeping apart don’t sound like anything to be ashamed of.

Amy*, a card-carrying morning person, said she and her husband parted sleeping ways because he’s a confirmed night owl.

“I’m also a real thrasher and a cover hog, and I get leg cramps and I’m always spinning and spinning around,” she said with a laugh, noting that she and her husband have been sleeping apart for most of their 20-plus-year marriage. “The thrashing has only gotten worse over the years and I know he would not be able to handle that.”

The couple spends a lot of time working together during the day, though, and in the evening, if they watch TV together, they cuddle on the couch.

“Sleeping in the same bed or not isn’t what determines the strength of our marriage,” said Amy. “In fact, sleeping in separate beds may be one of the things that keeps us together.”

As counterintuitive as that may sound, Laura Devlin, a registered clinical psychologist who works at Beaches Therapy Group, says that for some couples, separate bedrooms may benefit their relationship.