Minor Issues Instagram as a communication channel between mum and son, 19

I forward him news stories, memes or advice, and enjoy our subsequent exchanges

- Jane Ng

He is spending too much time on his mobile phone. I'm concerned about what he might post or come across. He doesn't want me to follow him. Even if I don't allow it, he will find a way.

These were just some of the worries I shared with a close friend when my son, now 19, started using Instagram six years ago.

I was new to the teenage social media scene and did not think of having any parental controls when I handed him his first mobile phone in 2019.

After giving him a phone, I began to worry about the dangers of social media, ranging from cyber bullying to pornography to lack of sleep due to excessive time spent online.

So much so that when it came to my daughter's turn to have a mobile phone in secondary school, I decided not to allow her to have a social media account. She is now 16 and still does not have a social media account, even though I relented after two years and left the decision to her.

But with my son, it was not possible to take back access to social media after it had already been given.

So in his early teen years, I kept preaching to him about the possible negative effects of social media and the need to balance screen time with other activities.

I also made sure he kept to the rules we set. For instance, the mobile phone must be left in the living room at night or put away when we are having meals.

Looking back, I was grasping at straws, hoping that something would work to stave off the excessive phone usage because I knew so little of what was going on in his online world.

We had many conversations on screen time and social media, and he tells me he hardly posts on his account, which he says is his only one.

My husband and I decided early on that we would not check our teenagers' phones to give them privacy, but we made sure to keep communicating with them so that they would trust us and be willing to share with us about what is going on in their lives.