The day Cyril met Trump

Sunday paper reported that Donald Trump has agreed to meet Cyril Ramaphosa face to face.

- TROVATO

Here's a preview of what to expect.

Ten minutes before the meeting, the two men discuss arrangements with their aides.

DT: How tall is this man? I need a bigger chair. Get me a bigger chair. The biggest chair. I must look down on him. He needs to feel my power. This guy, Cyril Ramaphosa? How am I meant to say that name? What's it with Africans that they can't have simple names? Like me. Trump. That's it. One syllable. Easy to remember, hard to forget. Never mind. I'll call him Cyril. Now there's a name a real American can understand.

CR: How do I look? How should I look? Do I smile and shake his hand? I have seen how he shakes hands. I don't want to be jerked around. Do they all do that? Is that why they call them Yanks? Does my face look fat in this? Should I change shirts? Boy, I haven't been this nervous meeting a white man since I negotiated the McDonald's deal. Should I give him a Big Mac? No, this is not the time for gifts. I need to be tough.

It's time for the meeting. CR is seated awkwardly on a yellow plastic chair designed for a child.

DT's chair, still empty, is the size of King Charles' throne and made entirely from pillaged Ghanaian gold and studded with fake rubies and rhinestones.

Trumpets suddenly blare, startling CR. He laughs nervously, curses softly in Venda and wipes his glistening brow with a monogrammed handkerchief he received from his billionaire brother-in-law.