Take an aspirin, Adrian

Dear Adrian Gore, I believe you have suffered a terrible financial blow and I would like to offer my condolences.

- Ben Trovato

I know what it's like to lose money. It has happened to me my entire life and shows no sign of ending.

Your stake in Discovery Limited has fallen to R10.3 billion in just over a month. What the hell is going on? Are you okay? How are the wife and kids taking it? Very badly, I expect.

A few short weeks ago, you took the family out for a slap-up meal at Marble after scoring a R600 million bump. Now look. Back to the Spur. It's all terribly sad.

If your shares keep falling, give Nomvula Mokonyane a call. She'll pick them up. Anyway, let's not talk about the stock market.

I know you're very busy with the insurance and asset management side of things, but I will always know you as the medical aid man. I am a medical man, myself. In fact, I would like to get my name onto your network of approved doctors.

I remember many Discovery clients being outraged when they were told that, if they wanted to claim, they had to be treated by a doctor on your list. Swindler's List, my idiot friend called it.

What these morons failed to understand is that medical aid is there for your benefit, not theirs. You have a certain lifestyle to maintain and if they also want to own fancy cars, big houses and private jets, then let them start their own scam... I beg your pardon, scheme.