Heartbeat from presidency

Dear JD Vance, Well done on becoming the second-most powerful man in the United States. Well, that's not strictly true. Not even close.

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Then again, the truth is anathema to the Republican Party. However, come inauguration day 2025, you,ll be a heartbeat away from the presidency. How exhilarating that will be. And terrifying. Mostly terrifying. For us, anyway. To be honest, when I saw you for the first time wearing what looked suspiciously like something from Maybelline's summer range of liquid eyeliner, I thought that would,ve ended Donald Trump's chances. I mean, the good ol, boys of the Deep South aren,t exactly mad about men who wear makeup, are they? I like it, though. Brings out those crazy, deep-set eyes. Your masculinity is beyond doubt. After all, you were in the Marines. Then again, you did only serve as a military journalist. Is this when you first learnt the art of asking no questions and telling lots of lies? Or did that only come when Trump took you under his wing? During your four years in the military, your rose to the rank of corporal. Well done. That's further than I got in the army.

You haven*t been seen much since the election results were announced. Is it because your boss has a new best friend and you're at home sulking? That's okay.

Elon Musk is hard to compete with. And it's even harder for someone like you to make friends. You seem to have a special knack for upsetting people.