Old dog has to learn new tricks

Donald’s trumpedup liberation’ chart of tariffs has reset the world order and my need to make my side hustle more lucrative

- Christian Stephen

The world has been engulfed by Trump turmoil. All creatures great and small have been affected, from the penguins on a remote island that have been hit with a 10% tariff if they dare to export their cuteness to the billionaires who have seen billions lopped off the value of their companies on the stock markets.

Such is the sheer volume of the terrifying, pain-inducing and ludicrous outpourings from the White House that the news websites must surely be thinking of awarding Trump a separate category in the list on their home pages. News, Trump, Politics, Opinion, Sport ... or perhaps Agent Orange would be more appropriate.

Of course, it is us who will suffer the most from this financial disaster — price increases and job losses the most obvious traumas. In these circumstances it would be selfish to dwell on our rapidly worsening problems in the media business. But it is true that for a long time now the idea of job security has been a pleasure from the past.

And as the situation steadily worsens, when I wake up from a troubled sleep at 3am the first thought on my mind is: “I must reinvent myself.” This is really a ridiculous concept because this year I reach the age where I should expect to be presented with the fake gold watch and ushered to the exit door.