How Orthodox Jewish families help trans kids

For some, support can be found in religious spaces and among family members.

- By Maria TERESA HERNANDEZ

CHARLES KRUPA Associated Press ZIVA Mann has a transgender child and is a member of a welcoming synagogue.

Ziva Mann remembers how joyful and smiley her daughter was as a child — the family even gave her the nickname “Giggles.”

“She was just sunshine,” Mann said. That changed around second grade, when her joy began to fade. “She got sadder and sadder,” Mann recalled. “It was like watching someone disappear.”

Mann later realized that her child’s growing sadness was connected to a struggle to reckon with her gender identity.

Her daughter came out as transgender at home in Massachusetts four years ago. “Mom, I'ma girl,” Mann remembers hearing her say. Though she was surprised by the news, she quickly came to admire her daughter’s bravery.

Since then, the family has striven to find the best ways to support Ellie within their modern Orthodox community, where tradition and strict gender roles shape daily life. They have managed to find emotional and spiritual resources close to home at a time when transgender rights are under attack nationwide.

Raising Orthodox trans children

Two of the three biggest branches of Judaism in the U.S. — Reform and Conservative — support the rights of transgender people, but it can still be challenging for trans youth to find an inclusive congregation.

Schools in Orthodox Jewish communities are typically divided by gender, and most synagogues have separate seating sections for men and women — sometimes on different floors.

“Orthodoxy today is just binary,” said Myriam Kabakov, co-founder and executive director of Eshel, an organization supporting LGBTQ+ people in Orthodox environments. “You're either male or youre female. So if a trans person is in between transitioning, very often they will be asked not to come to synagogue.”