The anxieties of the soft-parenting club

“Abhi mummy ki chappal Atlantic ke upar se udti hui aayegi!” (Mumny’s flying slipper will reach me across the Atlantic.)

- Nishtha Gautam

The chat history of my cousins’ group on WhatsApp, rather appropriately named “We Are A Little Mad Here”, is dotted with such messages. Whatever be the context, the mother’s flying chappal is an ubiquitous and strong metaphor there. Or a memory, even a false one. Whether they used the chappal on us or not is debatable, especially in front of the softly-parented grandchildren. Tiger moms have transformed into soft bunnies.

Most of us have an extra dose of our parents’ faults. We have tried our best to raise our children in a manner diametrically opposed to how we grew up. We have learnt to cultivate high emotional responsiveness, non-punitive discipline, and an emphasis on children’s autonomy. We express our frustrations only in therapy rooms and nowhere else. We seem to be following the soft-parenting rulebook like an annoying frontbencher, yet we are scared and struggling. What are we doing wrong?