Nomvula Mokonyane and the lure of chicken and pilchards

Under the future head of state, poverty will be a thing of the past as we dine on slogans and bottom-up economics. The only skeletons coming out of her closet will be from the braai packs given to happy voters

- Bhekisisa Mncube

h, Chief Dwasaho! Three years ago, I nearly pulled a David versus Goliath upset at the ANC presidential elections.

Yes, I was warming up to march toe-to-toe with you, the self-anointed custodian of Loothuli House and the chief tenant at Mahlamba Ndlopfu.

Then, in a fit of revolutionary magnanimity, I folded my campaign before the starter whistle, handing you another lease of the Union Buildings without 10 missed calls.

But now, my leader, the winds of 2027 are blowing nicely. I am mulling my options; this time, stale liberation songs may not sway the delegates. Cash is king.

This time, looming in the wings is seasoned adversary Nomvula Mokonyane, who has survived more scandals than Eskom’s different blackout stages, a worthy opponent who can make the Guptas’ leftovers look fresh. I sit, pen in hand, wondering whether I will remain a bridesmaid of ANC politics, or will I throw my hat into the dustbin — sorry, ring?

Before my five readers start chanting “she'll be worse than Msholozi (Jacob Zuma)”, the son of MaMlambo counsels against short-termism. Think big. Think beyond the ballot box, high security walls, the Coke-and-brandy parties, Springboks — we must tread carefully around our future head of state, Her Excellency Madam Nomvula Mokonyane.

I plead with my Loyal Five to ignore the latest News24 sermon by Adriaan Basson. A likeable fellow, yes, and a competent journalist, no doubt. But he cannot see the big picture. Basson insists that Mokonyane carries “smallanyana skeletons” and is therefore unfit to be ANC president, and by extension, president of South Africa. He misses the point.

Blessed by Bosasa

Let’s not pretend the Bosasa scandals didn’t happen. The Zondo Commission laid them out in grotesque detail: cash, hampers, the booze and the free burials. The lists have become a noisy backdrop to our politricks, hard to ignore.