WHY LOSING A FRIEND HURTS MORE THAN A BREAKUP – SCIENCE EXPLAINS THE HEARTACHE

WHILE social media is abuzz with posts dedicated to honouring the bonds that enrich our lives, beneath the surface of these joyful relationships lies a complex realityone that can lead to profound heartbreak when friendships dissolve.

- VUYILE MADWANTSI

The human psyche often bears the brunt of this grief, revealing startling truths about how our brains react when we lose a friend.

And, according to recent research, the emotional aftermath of losing a friend can be as painful, if not more so, than ending a romantic relationship.

Most of us are caught off guard, and the pain can run even deeper than any romantic split. Recent research and insights from neurologists like Dr Lisa M Shulman, author of Before and After Loss: A Neurologist’s Perspective on Loss, Grief, and Our Brain, reveal why the end of a close friendship can feel so devastating.

The hidden heartbreak of losing a friend

In a 2023 YouGov poll, nearly two-thirds of Americans shared that they’ve ended a close friendship. Even though it's common, it doesn’t feel normal and rarely gets openly discussed.

“Unlike romantic breakups, we rarely expect our closest friends, the ones who know our childhood secrets and life stories, to become strangers,” writes one user on Reddit’s popular Friendship Breakups thread. “That shock makes it so much harder to move on.”

The brain's trauma response is triggered by grief, including friendship loss, according to Dr Shulman during an American Brain Foundation webinar. “Traumatic loss is perceived as a threat to survival,” she said.

Your brain on friendship grief:

1. The brain goes into survival mode