STAN CULLIMORE

Taking a deep breath, I got ready to launch into my set piece. To get on my high horse. I knew it would probably end in tears, tantrums and unhappiness, but I cared not

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DON'T know about you, dear reader, but I have the strangest habit of having conversations in my head. Conversations with people I know and that I am rather fond of, conversations that I know I will never actually have in real life. Ever. It's most odd. I can spend what seems to be hours on end running through what I will say, how I will prove to them that they are wrong, and how they will sooner or later be reluctantly forced to accept that I was right. All along. About everything. Whatever it was. Huzzah and hurray for me. (Which is generally how these imaginary chats end. Obviously. My head, my rules!)

Of course, none of these conversations ever actually happen in real life. Not at all. And if I am ever foolish enough to try and start them, to see what happens, they quickly go off-script and end up nothing like the way I rehearsed them in my mind. To make things worse, they generally end up being ever so slightly bad-tempered, leaving one or both of us mildly out of sorts. Sigh. If only life followed the rules it follows in my brain box.

Everything would be so much easier. Wouldn't you agree? Or maybe that's just me and my hollow head. Sigh.