When Sukumaar Met Elakkiya

Self-respect marriage remains a force of socio-political change even a century later

- Priyanka Tupe

SUKUMAAR, 33, an assistant professor at a private college in Chennai got married to Elakkiya in June 2024.

Theirs was a self-respect marriage—a union inspired by Periyar's (E.V. Ramasamy's) self-respect marriage movement. The couple entered the mandapam accompanied by the notes of the parai, which is considered as a musical instrument of the 'lower castes'. The intricately woven decorations made of dried stems of the banana tree were a perfect backdrop for the stage at the ceremony at Selam, Tamil Nadu. It was attended by about 400 people—their families, friends and students. There were no photos of any deities at the venue.

Sukumaar belongs to a backward caste and his partner Elakkiya hails from another backward caste with a class difference that is bridged by their love. A communication and journalism professor and software developer, Elakkiya first matched on Tamil matrimony. Sukumaar's upbringing at Old Washermanpet and Royapuram area around Chennai was not easy as people from this area are still looked down upon due to stereotypical casteist notions.

After his father passed away when Sukumaar was 7, the family faced economic hardships. He did odd jobs, continued his education and become economically stable in his late 20s. When the duo chatted on a matrimony platform, they clicked.

Their choice of a self-respect marriage had the support of Elakkiya's father who is a Dravidian follower. But both Sukumaar's mother and Elakkiya's mother opposed the idea due to societal pressure. Sukumaar took his mother to a friend's self-respect marriage at the Periyar Thidal in Chennai. This exposure helped to change her mind, yet, both she and Elakkiya's mother insisted the bride wear a taali (nuptial chain) which they bought secretly. The couple stood their ground about exchanging vows based on equality.