Hating Dating

For many women, dating in their 30s and 40s is defined less by romance than by exhaustion, confusion and a sense of emotional attrition

- Ashlin Mathew

KARAN turned up to meet 43-year-old Selina* for a brunch date in a shirt smudged with a lipstick mark. They had circled each other on dating apps for years, never quite swiping right, but when they finally met at a mutual friend's party, Selina thought it might be worth a try. At the very least, he seemed to tick the basic boxes: early forties like her, gainfully employed, apparently settled.

Then he arrived wearing that shirt.

When Selina pointed it out, he waved it away casually, explaining that he'd been out dancing the night before and the stain must have come from another woman's lipstick. Selina said nothing. Her mind cancelled him. He either thought she was a fool, was deliberately testing her boundaries, or he simply didn't care about basic hygiene. None of those possibilities were attractive.

That was the last time she saw him.