Going Big on Small Talk

Spontaneous speaking isn't rocket science. Use these tips and tricks to breathe easier, speak freely and connect with anyone

- MATT ABRAHAMS

Why are some people so good at small talk? Able to instantly engage with people they've just met, make their conversation partner feel at ease and like the most important person in the room? Able to seamlessly move from one conversation to another without awkwardness? It doesn't take a special gene to do those things. In fact, there are techniques and skills we can employ to help us be more confident in these situations. Stanford Business School lecturer and podcast host Matt Abrahams identifies best practices for spontaneous communica tion in his new book, THINK FASTER, TALK SMARTER: HOW TO SPEAK SUCCESSFULLY WHEN YOU'RE PUT ON THE SPOT (Simon & Schuster). In this excerpt from his book, Abrahams shares tips and tricks for mastering small talk.

NETWORKING AND SMALL-TALK SITUATIONS- the epitome of spontaneous speaking-make many of us cringe. Initiating and exiting these brief, informal encounters can feel incredibly awkward. During the encounters themselves, most of us feel as if we never quite know what to say and how to say it. We want to seem witty and interesting, but chatting breezily with others-whether at informal cocktail parties, corporate all-hands meetings, mixers at professional conferences, events at our kid's school or at many other gatherings-can seem like an endless verbal tennis match of spontaneous remarks, queries and feedback. It need not be this way. With some cognitive reframing, a useful structure and some specific guiding principles in hand, we can learn not just to survive small talk but to actually enjoy it.

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