Comfort in conflict

After years of walking on eggshells, Caro Giles discovers that sometimes breaking a few eggs can make you even closer

- Caro Giles

I am trying to learn that conflict can be a good thing. Until recently, everything I knew about conflict convinced me that it was bad. A combination of nurture and nature had led me to a place where the most natural thing in the world, the easiest thing, the safest thing, seemed to be to keep the peace at all times. In friendships, in work and in love, I put a lot of effort in to avoid conflict. Looking back it was exhausting, but at the time I didn't know there could be any other way.

This is how I lived my life for forty years, holding everyone else's emotions in an attempt to keep the peace, often neglecting my own. After I ended my marriage, I had some therapy, did a lot of reading and waited for sufficient time to pass until I felt ready to trust my heart with another person. As I slowly came back to myself, I also began to question my apologetic, egg-shell dancing in friendships and in the workplace.

There is something deeply satisfying about a freshly made bed, duvet pulled smooth to the corners, no crinkles in the pillow. Likewise, walking on the beach with my youngest daughter early this morning, the sea a shimmering mirror, sand still footprint-free. My face after a full night of sleep — smooth and relaxed, so preferable to the shadows and lines that appear when I am tired or stressed.