ALL RELATIONSHIPS ARE digital NOW...

Technology has helped millions of couples bridge the gap of distance, learn relationship skills that save marriages, and even remember the grocery list so as not to start a fight.

- By ALY BULLOCK

It has also made affairs instantly accessible, replaced couple time with 'brain rot' scrolling, and become an overstimulating background noise that colours conversations with stress and distraction. Ping.

Lucy and Jeremy* came to my office. Jeremy was ready to end the relationship, and Lucy was determined to fight for it. The problem? According to him, she was 'bad in bed'.

'That's not fair,' she pushed back. 'Ever since you brought it up, I've been trying to make changes and meet your needs.' But for him, it was too late. He told her, 'Thousands of people on Reddit agree with me that you're the problem.'

I stepped in. 'What do you mean, thousands of people agree with you? How would they know the ins and outs of your private life?'

'Well,' he began, 'I felt lonely and wanted answers, so I went online. I'm part of chat rooms where people are struggling with the same things as me, and it's validating to feel heard and get advice.'

Naively, I was shocked. 'All of this without consulting your partner before sharing private details about your sex life?'

He didn't see the problem. He'd changed their names, so in his view, it was 'no big deal'.

The double-edged sword of digital intimacy

As a licensed couples therapist and head of relationships at Paired, I'm constantly weighing the pros and cons of tech, and its impact on relationships. One thing keeps coming to mind: technology is neither good nor bad - it's a tool.

The same app that damages one couple's bond can save another's, depending on how it's used. The same phone that sends 'I love you' every night can also be used to call a secret lover. Instead of avoiding tech altogether, we need to pay attention to how our use impacts our relationships daily and then create boundaries and habits that maximise the benefits while minimising the risks.

When AI becomes the third wheel