THE Christmas Eve parties here were marvellous when Mr and Mrs Tree lived here all the village came.' Mrs Cribb, housekeeper elect, dropped this unsubtle hint as she eased her comfortable bulk back against the AGA and poured another cup of tar-like tea from her equally dark-brown teapot. 'Mr Tree would nip into the kitchen when I wasn't looking and put goodness knows what into my rum punch. Cor, it was strong stuff! The vicar got in a right state one year and fell off the pulpit.'
Maryanne and Joe, the owners of Christmas Hall since May, have, so far, been tiptoeing around the issue of Mrs Cribb, who has resolutely stayed on in her flat like a kindly yet omnipresent squatter long after the deaths of her previous employers and throughout a protracted probate sale, during which she fought a losing battle with cobwebs, rainwater leaks and small creatures running races.
There have been other 'surprises', too, such as the mysterious emergence of a 'footpath' that crosses the drive, the annual 'tradition' of a free-for-all apple-pressing day in the old coach house, the presence of some Houdini-like, rose-destroying Wiltshire Horn sheep whose owner apparently has 'grazing rights' and the parish-council hoo-hah about their proposed heat-source pump.
Maryanne had been envisaging Champagne and Ottolenghi with their best London friends renting a cottage nearby, but Joe, more naturally gregarious and away in the city all week-he has no clue what she has to contend with, the dribbling showers, crackling electrics and curious neighbours -thought a Christmas Eve party would be a cracking idea. 'Darling, it'll be fun. And a great chance to get shot of that case of dodgy red at last.'
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Don't rain on Venus's parade
TENNIS has never been sexierâat least, that is what multiple critics of the new film Challengers are saying.
A rural reason to cheer
THERE was something particularly special for country people when one of the prestigious Kingâs Awards for Voluntary Service was presented last week.
My heart is in the Highlands
A LISTAIR MOFFATâS many books on Scottish history are distinctive for the way he weaves poetry and literature, language and personal experience into broad-sweeping studies of particular regions or themes. In his latestâ and among his most ambitious in scopeâhe juxtaposes a passage from MacMhaighstir Alasdairâs great sea poem Birlinn Chlann Raghnaill with his own account of filming a replica birlinn (Hebridean galley) as it glides into the Sound of Mull, âlarch strakes swept up to a high prowâ, saffron sail billowing, water sparkling as its oars dip and splash. Familiar from medieval tomb carvings, the birlinn is a potent symbol of the power of the Lords of the Isles.
Put it in print
Three sales furnished with the ever-rarer paper catalogues featured intriguing lots, including a North Carolina map by John Ogilby and a wine glass gibbeting Admiral Byng, the unfortunate scapegoat for the British loss of Minorca
The rake's progress
Good looks, a flair for the theatrical and an excellent marriage made John Astleyâs fortune, but also swayed âle Titien Angloisâ away from painting into a dissolute life of wine and women, with some collecting on the side
Charter me this
Thereâs a whole world out there waiting to be explored and one of the most exciting ways to see it is from the water, says Emma Love, who rounds up the best boat charters
Hey ho, hey ho, it's off to sow we go
JUNE can be a tricky month for the gardener.
Floreat Etona
The link with the school and horticulture goes back to its royal founder, finds George Plumptre on a visit to the recently restored gardens
All in good time
Two decades in the planning, The Emory, designed by Sir Richard Rogers, is open. Think of it as a sieve that retains the best of contemporary hotel-keeping and lets the empty banality flow away
Come on down, the water's fine
Ratty might have preferred a picnic, but canalside fine dining is proving the key to success for new restaurant openings in east London today, finds Gilly Hopper