BIRTH Story

NEW MOTHERHOOD is often depicted as a BEATIFIC and BLISSEDOUT EXPERIENCE. Writer SARAH HOOVER'S JOURNEY couldn't have been further from it. In her new MEMOIR, she offers an unflinching LOOK at her STRUGGLE with severe POSTPARTUM DEPRESSIONand how she EMERGED from it.

- SARAH HOOVER'S

After the terrorist attacks of September 11, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk studied first responders and their trauma. After a person suffers a traumatic incident, the brain pumps hormones such as oxytocin through the body, which elevates mood and alleviates fight-or-flight responses once they're no longer advantageous. A side effect of oxytocin is that it dulls the memory. What Dr. van der Kolk found was that when first responders came off the field and immediately described what they had seen to other professionals-the gold standard protocol for the Red Cross at the time-it prohibited the flood of memory-dulling chemicals and kept the first responders in an adrenalized state, inscribing their trauma in the amygdala, the primal part of the brain from where the fight-or-flight response originates, rather than moving it to the prefrontal cortex, where it can be stored as a gentle recollection.

The entirety of the 19 hours I spent pinned to a hospital bed, I texted each of my five best friends real-time updates, describing how everything felt in meticulous detail so that not only did I ensure they would never forget but also that I would never forget. I essentially did what Dr. van der Kolk warned against. Instead of letting the oxytocin flood me, dulling the memories, I made sure that every thought would be etched forever in my brain. It seemed normal, in the 21st century, when iPhones are more ubiquitous than babies, to live-text my labor.

My doctor barreled in, ready for her moment. She looked refreshed and enthusiastic, smiling and very awake, her eyes darting around excitedly. Time to PUSH! Let's meet this baby!