TAMED QUATTRO

The Audi SQ8 proves that the best performance is the kind no one sees coming

- By Kurt Morris

For about twelve glorious seconds, the Audi SQ8 felt like a proper hoon machine.

We'd found a dusty, forgotten patch of tarmac behind the glass towers of BKC (because this is what automotive journalists do with expensive cars that don't belong to us), switched traction control fully off (always a responsible decision), and provoked this 2.2-tonne luxury SUV into doing something it absolutely shouldn't be able to do: drift.

Sharp flick of the wheel, decisive boot of the throttle, and the rear end stepped out. For one beautiful, suspended moment, this thing rotated with shocking enthusiasm, the V8 rumbling its approval, tyres scrabbling for grip, and me grinning like an absolute idiot behind the wheel. Then physics remembered that 2.2 tonnes doesn't drift so much as it rotates briefly, before the quattro system reminds you that you're behaving like a child.

Here's the thing: it worked. This massive, ostensibly sensible SUV actually let me get it sideways in a car park, hold the slide long enough for me to feel like a hero, then gathered everything back up before I could embarrass myself. Which raises an interesting question: what exactly is the Audi SQ8, and why does it exist in this peculiar middle ground between sensible and silly?

Let's address the elephant in the room: the 2.2-tonne SUV that looks almost exactly like a regular Q8. The SQ8's greatest strength — its understated appearance — is also a significant weakness. There's no massive wing, no gaping air intakes, no fluorescent brake calipers screaming, ‘I cost a lot of money!’ Instead, it's muscular in a tailored-suit kind of way. rather than a gym-bro kind of way.