Matt Prior

EEk, graunch, oops, sorry.

- Matt Prior

There will be a set of exclamations, crunches and apologies such as these if I'm driving a car that grinds its nose on a driveway ramp or speed bump or grounds out over an undulating road.

I apologise because I feel like I've let the car down. Yet, as time goes by, I'm less and less convinced that it's my fault.

So why the apology? Is it a natural part of being English? Like saying sorry to someone who happens to be wanting to walk through a door at the same time as me? Oops, my bad. Or like feeling similarly in restaurants when not everything will fit on a table? Oh dear, what a muddle, let me move my drink and that little vase with the artificial flower in it – sorry – so there's room for the saag aloo.

How many times have I apologised like this over the years? Dozens, certainly. Hundreds, maybe. And I think I've had enough of it.

Not one of those times was I responsible for how low a car was or how small a restaurant table was. So why on earth was I apologising? Car makers know what the roads are like, just as restaurateurs know exactly how much their average customer is likely to order.