And The Prize For Parenting Goes To…

‘Not me!’ says Stephanie Calman, who openly confesses the journey from nurturing babes in arms to waving them off to uni has been peppered with mummy fails

- Stephanie Calman

When you’re pregnant you think: ‘I’m having a baby!’ It doesn’t occur to you that this is a person who will eventually catch trains by themselves; share a fridge with 10 strangers; go to a festival in Croatia without succumbing to a drug overdose; and, one day, bring you a gin and tonic when your own mother is dying.

We set ourselves insanely high standards before even looking at any of the many rule books. But, ignoring them all, and having been a very – very – imperfect teenager myself, I was perfectly on course to avoid the straitjacket of perfection. Here’s how.

1 I have – quite often – yelled at my children in public

My sister-in-law had found the last available sane man in London and was getting remarried. Dressing up was required but little could I have known this would presage the first sign of adolescence in my daughter Lydia at BHS. When I pointed out a lovely plum dress, Lydia refused to even try it on. Eventually I yelled, ‘Right, that’s it! I’m going to go home without you!’ The response? ‘I’m going home without YOU!’ She was seven.

2 I have raging separation anxiety