RAISING BOYS

Boys today get a bad rap, and this year’s muck-up day controversies suggest it’s not always undeserved. Michael Sheather investigates the challenges of raising boys, and finds that with the right kind of support, they can grow up to become good men with good hearts.

- Michael Sheather

Both my sons are a lot like me. On my best days, I am measured, thoughtful, independent, and confident enough to be comfortable in my own head. I value justice and fairness. I have a deep respect for women, particularly those who share my life. My sons, both of whom are grown men studying at university, share these traits, and I’m grateful for that. I’m grateful that they’re navigating their way through a complex world with dignity and goodness – both for their own sakes and because perhaps that means I did something right as a parent. As most parents know, doing the right thing when you’re raising boys is rarely easy.

The teenage years are a confusing labyrinth, both for parents and boys. Yet these critical years also mark the formative transition from boy to man. These are the years when values consolidate, ambitions formulate, respect becomes embodied and judgement, if properly nurtured, finds a secure foundation. But is that the type of transition to manhood our boys experience today? Are we raising boys to become the men we want them to be?

There’s a lot of negative noise around young men in the media at the moment. If we listened to it all, we’d think they were a band of anti-social misogynists with little hope for meaningful relationships beyond those they have with their computer screens and credit cards. As a father, I know that’s not the whole story, but I fear it has become part of it.

Secret men’s business

Late last year, a group of boys from one of Melbourne’s most exclusive private schools, St Kevin’s College in Toorak, was filmed chanting an offensive song on a public tram in front of women, children and elderly passengers. The words the boys chanted that day are as follows: