Fat-Shaming For Guys

Men are not immune.

- Peter Sagal

BACK IN MAY, women’s athletic wear company Oiselle started a campaign encouraging women to embrace their bodies, no matter what their shape. This brought back a memory for company founder and CEO, Sally Bergesen. She posted it on Twitter: “‘Keep eating like that and you’re going to be a butterball’,” quoting a male relative, when she was 12.

She then invited women to share their own stories of body commentary, cutting and kind, using the hashtag #TheySaid. A torrent of responses ensued. “‘You have such a pretty face. It’s a pity you’re so fat. No man will ever marry you.’ – My mother”. “‘You’re so skinny; what could you possibly be upset about?’ – girls at my school”. “‘When we’re done having kids, we’ll nip that, tuck that, and lift those.’ – my exhusband on the last day he ever saw me unclothed”.

I read these with a kind of rueful horror. While I completely understood how terrible this all was, I wasn’t surprised. I live in this world, too. I have daughters. I have lived with and loved women. And I have, like everybody else – including many women themselves – judged them on how close their bodies came to an impossible ideal. But I’m also aware that we men are not immune to imposed standards of physique, either. In the privacy of their bathrooms,. people of both sexes stare at mirrors and contemplate where they have fallen short – or more often, exceeded the allowable margins. I wondered: what is being said to men about our bodies, and who is speaking?