COMING OF AGE WITH AUTISM

FINDING WORK, LOVE, AND INDEPENDENCECAN BE ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT FOR THOSE ON THE SPECTRUM. BUT THERE’S HOPE THAT THINGS ARE STARTING TO CHANGE.

- JUDITH NEWMAN

‘GUYS! REMEMBER: ABOVE THE NECK! OK, GO.’

We are practicing giving compliments at the PEERS Dating Boot Camp, a program for teens and adults with special needs who hope to find love. The participants, many with autism, are mostly in their mid to late 20s, but seem years younger. They come alone or with parents, caretakers, sometimes a sibling. Almost all live with their families. There’s lots of unfortunate facial hair, T-shirts from obscure bands (Radioactive Chicken Heads), noise-canceling headphones for the hearing-sensitive, plushy key rings hanging off backpacks.

Reading social cues is difficult for those on the spectrum, so everyone here wants to know the rules. And when it comes to dating, there are a lot of rules. Dating coaches, either doctoral students or administrators in the neuroscience program at the University of California, Los Angeles are trying to explain them.

A slight man in plaid flannel and khakis that seemed to be ironed on, frowns as he scans a female dating coach, looking for an in. His face brightens when he notices a tattoo on her ankle.

“Hey! I see you have a lambda. You like biophysics? Me too!”

“Neck up, I said. But OK, great!” the male coach leading the exercise says. “That was very nice; you established common interest.” The young man beams. The male coach turns to a baby-faced man in a neat button-down shirt and asks him to try complimenting the female coach. She smiles encouragingly; he breaks into a flop sweat. Finally, words spill out: “I. Um. I … like the way your earrings sparkle against your pale white skin.”