The Final Countdown

Ten Outrageous Lies You Should Start Telling People About Yourself

- Si Cunningham

10 “I’M RELATED TO GORDON RAMSAY”

The crumpled-duvet-faced cook is just the right type of famous to be believably related to very normal people. People like you, for example. People who could very easily take a screen shot from Ramsay’s Hotel Hell and Instagram it with the caption, “Cousin Gordo’s getting a bit heated in the kitchen again, lol!”

09 “I HAVE A NANDO’S BLACK CARD”

We live in an age where social status is defined by how worthy of free chicken you are, so this is perfect for impressing friends and family. Of course, they don’t need to know you’re actually carrying a 582% APR credit card with a Nando’s sticker on it. Everyone will be far too preoccupied with chicken sweats and being your new best friends to quibble over the details. You, on the other hand, will be worrying about crippling repayments and impending financial ruin. But hey, free chicken! Sort of. You’re pretty much Ed Sheeran.

08 “I’M EMIGRATING”