When To “Divorce” A Friend

Does that problematic friendship need an intervention or is it time to bring it to an end? Find out how to tell the difference and the best way to handle it

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When you hit a rocky patch with a close friend, that emotional fallout can be as heartbreaking as dealing with a troubled romantic relationship. No matter how old you are, facing up to it can be tricky.

Of course, no friendship is perfect and life events like career, marriage, babies, divorce and illness test our bonds with those closest to us. But how do you distinguish between a friendship that requires some maintenance and one that has reached the point of no return?

Here, the experts look at a few typical friendship issues and share their advice on the right course to take.

She’s way too dependent on you

This is the friend who demands more of you than you do of her. She expects she will always be a part of your plans and gets upset or angry whenever she finds out that you have spent time with others. You have to keep trying to placate her.

HOW TO DEAL WITH HER

Set new boundaries

This kind of behaviour requires early intervention, says Dr Joann Lukins, founder of Peak Performance Psychology.

“Tell your friend, ‘I want to talk to you about when you got upset with me the other day because I had coffee with X.’ Explain to her that you need to spend time with other friends as well. Tell her that you would like her to give you this space and not be upset or resentful. Then it is up to her how she reacts to it, if she can cope with it and whether it fits with her.”

She doesn’t make an effort

You are always the one organising the catch-ups and calling to check in. She frequently cancels plans and the only time she comes to you is when she needs something.

HOW TO DEAL WITH HER

Speak up