Keep the Peace

A little bit of conflict now and then is unavoidable. Here’s how to butt heads the better way

- Matthew Halliday with Ishani Nandi

The complainTs began a few months after Frances* moved into her new apartment. Last year, the health-care worker and her room-mate began receiving messages from the building’s concierge, passed on from the woman living in the unit below—they were too noisy, moved chairs too often and their guests were too rambunctious.

To Frances, the noises were part of everyday living. Her room-mate was an acknowledged klutz, who tended to drop things. Friends’ children occasionally visited and ran around. “It was frustrating,” says Frances. “Anything we did caused her to complain—and she owns and we rent, so if we couldn’t solve it, we assumed it was us who would have to move.”

To make matters worse, Frances and her neighbour couldn’t talk to each other. The key fobs for their building allowed access only to their own floors. Though they lived just metres apart, they had no way to reach out and bridge their divide—across which Frances could feel bad feelings swelling. “When you don’t know the person, you expect the worst,” says Frances. “We thought this neighbour hated us.”

Conflict is inevitable, and it often occurs between people who can’t just walk out of each other’s lives. Fortunately, there are many ways to navigate life’s disagreements, large and small, without boiling over.

Don’t make assumptions