‘‘I'm concerned about my friend's weed-smoking‘‘

Our agony aunt, Mary Fenwick, offers a new perspective on whatever is troubling you

- Mary Fenwick

Q. My buddy has started smoking dope a lot and I am worried about her. We went to school together and now we are both at college. She’s always been laid-back about work, but now she has started missing many lectures and I think she may fail this year. She is hanging around with a different crowd – they are OK and not bad people, but they all smoke too. I’ve tried talking to her but she brushes me off as if I don’t get it. I don’t know what to do. Should I tell her parents? Name supplied

A. It sounds as if this situation is causing more distress for you than it is for your friend. That doesn’t mean you should ignore it, but it would help to feel less responsible for this all on your own.

I don’t think that your friend’s parents are the best first call – she is likely to dismiss their views, and feel that she has lost you as a friend as well.

The best neutral source of drug-related information that I know is the education service Talk to Frank. It’s a government initiative to reduce the use of both legal and illegal drugs, by giving young people more skills and confidence for an informed conversation.

The website uses straightforward language and has a specific section on ‘how to talk to your friend about drug use’. They suggest that you pick a time when you are both sober, and a place which is private and familiar in case either one of you becomes upset. Allow plenty of time, aim to listen more than you talk and expect it to take more than one conversation.