A day to remember?

Secretly find yourself dreading the big set-piece dates in the calendar? You're not the only one who finds them tough, explains Anna Bartter

- By Roxy Rhodes and Dr Gauri Seth

'What are you doing for your birthday?’ It’s a question that makes my bloodrun cold. It’s imbued with connotations of a perfect, Hallmark-style day, where I look amazing, feel amazing and receive amazing presents. And I never choose the wrong’ thing to do a family day out at the beach on the rainiest day of the year, circa 2017, I’m looking at you).

Every time I think about my birthday, Christmas, a family celebration, or even just my children’s sports days or school plays, I feel a wave of anxiety. I need to have the best time, take fantastic, Insta-worthy photos, and soak up every single second. Because, well, that’s what we're supposed to do, isn’t it?

Many of us find big occasions stressful. Often there are complex and deeply personal reasons for struggling to enjoy these milestones: bereavements and complicated family dynamics make any kind of celebration especially tricky. This isn’t the case for me, but, invariably, I still end up feeling totally overwhelmed by the occasion and unable to enjoy it in the way I'd like. And, afterwards, I guiltily berate myself for not making the most of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I love acelebration in many ways. I’m the first to suggest making a day of something, and I go all out for my children’s birthdays. But it seems this could be part of the problem. Psychotherapist Roxy Rhodes explains: Perfectionists, over-planners, people pleasers and anxious characters tend to feel particularly overwhelmed by special occasions. And there’s an overlap in these personalities, so the chances are, if you recognise one of these characteristics in yourself, you're likely someone who may find these types of days a challenge,’