It wasn't me

From seemingly innocent white lies to fibs embellished with wild abandon, both kids and adults alike tell lies. For our children, lying is a natural part of development. Here, discover how to look beyond the lie and encourage truth-telling.

- CARROL BAKER

As parents, we have all heard our kids tell some big old whoppers from time to time. The dog did eat my homework. No, I did not take the last cookie. Yes, there will be a parent at the party.

From little innocent white lies to big fat fibs, kids and adults alike tell lies. It's a fact of life.

At the very heart of deliberate dishonesty is one fundamental notion. We tell a tall tale because the reality of the situation just won't be well received. Conscious parenting coach Anna Davis says it's a complex issue with one simple truth. "We don't feel safe to tell someone the truth and so we lie," she says.

Hands up if you've told your preschooler that his Lego tower is the most amazing you've ever seen? Or told your boss you're sick and have to skip work - while mentally packing your bag for a planned romantic midweek getaway.

At times we even tell our children that they must lie. For example, when a child receives a gift they don't like, they're instructed to pretend to be happy and say they love it.

Lying is a natural part of development

Paul Ekman, the author of Why Kids Lie, says lying is indeed natural behaviour, and that very young kid do it because telling a lie is a way of getting what they want. Their motivation shifts when they become teens when they are prompted to deceive in order to protect their privacy.

Young kids lie because they want to please their parents. As a parent, you are the centre of your toddler's universe, you take care of their needs and protect them. Dr. Becky from Good Inside says kids are always trying to maximize attachment to parents to boost their sense of security. "If avoiding the truth for that moment helps them feel safe, a lie pays service to that attachment," she says.