Balancing Act

FORMER COMPETITIVE RUNNER SUSAN* REFLECTS ON THE SHIFT THAT OCCURRED WHEN HER BODY LET HER DOWN WHILE SHE WAS AT HER STRONGEST, THREATENING TO DERAIL HER DREAMS OF STARTING A FAMILY

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You hear women say that they knew, deep down, something was wrong with their body. But that was never the case for me. During my teens and early twenties, I had no issues with my body. I had regular periods, pretty good body image and even my relationship with food was straightforward.

When I graduated from university and felt the effects of too many years focused on having a good time, I started running. At first it was recreational. Then as I became leaner, I also became faster. Soon, I was competing in half-marathons and starting to really enjoy how it felt to be strong and fast. I guess at that point a shift occurred, and I started to think more like an athlete. I was winning races and got a coach.

It was around this period that my longtime boyfriend, Toby*, proposed. I could not have felt better or been happier. I was 25 and on top of the world. People would occasionally ask me – in that way they do when you’re dedicated to exercise – if I was taking care of myself. Then there was the more probing question from family: “Are you getting regular periods?” The answer was always yes. Sure, I was on the pill and vaguely understood that it was creating a cycle for me, but the truth was my system was running like clockwork. In my mind, that was healthy.