If it ain't broke, don't break it

Getting stuck into lockdown inventions

- Dave Selby

There is no sound more nerve jangling to a sailor than the rending of Velcro on an oilie jacket as you’re sipping a mug of tea or trying to have a snooze. Why did they have to make Velcro sound exactly like a storm sail shredding in a Force 9 gale?

Worse still, some boat owners have a fetish for Velcro that borders on sadistic. Seat cushions are secured by the stuff, curtains tied back with it, and oilies in the wet locker mate with one another in a frenzied hook-and-loop orgy that makes a suburban swingers’ party seem tame. Not that I’d know, but every time I hear that ripping sound it shreds my nerves and I leap up, put my lifejacket on, prise the VHF from its Velcro mounting, get it stuck fast to a curtain, glove, jacket, sock, gout slipper, nearby beard or pair of underpants (some boat owners are really weird), then hit the DSC button, and fly up the companion way to launch the liferaft, only to see the sails billowing gently like plump duck-down pillows as we trickle along in a gentle breeze.

In fact, on a Velcro boat I have never once finished a cup of tea.