“Help! I feel like everyone’s out to get me!”

With all the divisiveness these days, it can be hard to trust in the goodness of others. Here, ways to open our hearts and feel more at peace

- Kristina Mastrocola

Be kind to you

Look back to look ahead When we get defensive or skeptical, it’s often because of an old hurt, says expert Carolyn Daitch, Ph.D., recalling this saying: If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. In other words, something in our past is likely making us react. “For example, if a friend didn’t include you in an activity, it may sting because you felt excluded as a kid.” Ask yourself what you got too little of in the past. Show yourself compassion—you’ll instantly feel calmer.

Widen your view To challenge negative assumptions about someone, just grab a piece of paper. “Make three columns: On the left, write your thought; in the middle, note the evidence; and in the third column, write the facts based on the evidence.” For example, if you worry your coworkers are against you, what’s the proof? Maybe it’s just one person who was rude. “In the third column, shift to what is true: ‘I felt judged when she said X—but I can handle it.’”