Gossip GOLD

How a cake sale could lead to tasty revelations

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'Thank goodness you're here,' said my friend Wendy as I arrived at the charity shop on Friday. 'She's driving me absolutely nuts.'

I looked around the shop and raised a subtle eyebrow. Truly, I am the Roger Moore of the charity retailing world. Mrs Roger, obviously, but you get the idea.

The 'she' in question was Geraldine, who is our latest recruit. She is hardworking and energetic, no doubt about that, but she has — how can I put this politely? - a keen sense of social distinction.

'She's the most outrageous snob and social climber,' said Wendy. Yes, that's a less polite way of putting it. 'I've never met anybody like her.'

'Where is she?' I wondered.

'She's in the storeroom, making tea.' Wendy sighed deeply and gnashed her teeth. I'm not sure I've seen this done in real life before, and it's not a pretty sight.

'She couldn't even do that without making a fuss. She's brought in some Darjeeling and wanted to give me that. When I said I prefer builder's, I thought she was going to pass out. Eventually, we compromised on Earl Grey. Even that caused an argument over the milk.'

At this point, Geraldine emerged from the storeroom clutching two mugs.

'Everybody knows you don't have milk in Earl Grey,' she said.