A saggy BOTTOM

The tale of Mr Dear's unfortunate pyjamas

- 

It is with a heavy heart that I must take you this week into a very murky world indeed. You are about to learn far too much than is probably healthy about the elastic in Mr Dear's pyjama bottoms. If you feel faint at all during the next few paragraphs, please seek medical attention. Or just put your head between your knees. Whatever.

You should first know that Mr D has rather old-fashioned views when it comes to clothing. I have never seen him in a pair of jeans. He is the only man I know who still wears a tie when he goes to the doctor's. If he had his way, his pyjamas would be double-breasted and tailored in a light tweed. So you might be surprised to hear that the bottoms in question are what anybody else would regard as a novelty item. They are dark blue, and decorated in a rugged outdoor pattern that includes oak leaves, tents, logs, pine trees, a sunset over a lake, and some fish. If there was a Boy Scouts range of leisurewear, this would feature in it. This is, I think you'll agree, unusual in a man who cannot pass an adult Star Wars nightwear set in Tesco without exploding.