It's good to be HOME!

After a wildly exciting trip, Colin returns to a savage garden and a crabby cat

- COLIN HOGG

Perhaps the most exciting bit of our recent trip to California came right at the end when the beloved wife and I arrived at big, scary Los Angeles airport only to find we were booked to depart on separate flights.

And then, after a certain amount of pleading, finally organised onto adjoining seats on the same plane, we nearly missed the flight. And, no, you really don't want to hear your name booming out of the loudspeakers at you, but I did as we scampered along endless corridors to the departure gate. Well, the wife scampered. I didn't have the energy for scampering. I settled for a swift saunter and still got on board.

Half a day later, we were home to a grouchy cat and a garden gone crazy. We'd been away three weeks and even the fish survived - along with the jungle of house plants. I wouldn't have minded losing some of those, but neglect seems to suit them.