Why you should get someone else to teach your kids to swim

Because Olympic-level patience is the secret sauce when it comes to teaching children to swim

- Raymond Goh

A swim coach once told me: If your child lives on an island, she ought to learn to swim.

Before you nod approvingly at how this piece of seemingly sagely aphorism deserves a place on an inspirational Instagram post, preferably with a sunset silhouette of father-and-daughter duo frolicking at the beach, let me explain why it makes no sense at all.

Sure, I was also initially persuaded by his logic. After all, Singapore is an island. We are surrounded by the South China Sea. Therefore, my daughter, JJ, should learn to swim.

Right?

Right... except, of course, when there is a tsunami.

Let's be honest. Swimming lessons aren't going to save a non-buoyant JJ, armed with two Peppa Pig floaties, from the wrath of a 20-foot tsunami wall. In fact, the safest thing for her to do would be to stay out of the water altogether.

And to further improve JJ's chances of survival, she might also consider travelling farther inland, away from Singapore's coastal beaches. Perhaps towards heartland Sengkang, where the largest body of water that might threaten any child is the collective syrup sloshing about in the 6,000 or so boba tea franchises across the north-east region.

DON'T POOH POOH SWIMMING

But don't let the flawed logic of one trite and smarmy instructor dissuade you from enrolling your kids in swim school.