Why the fear of missing out should not drive our parenting choices

A chance conversation made the writer wonder if she was shortchanging her child — until she remembered to stay true to her values.

- Diane Leow

One of the highlights of my weekend is my Saturday afternoon shoulder massage after I drop my three-year-old daughter off at her Chinese enrichment class.

It's a weekly treat that serves as a reminder that I'm more than a mum and an editor. But my relaxed state didn't last long on a particular Saturday.

When I went to pick my daughter up after my massage, I fell into conversation with another mum who was waiting for her son. And then, she asked me the question many other mums probably end up fielding.

"Does she go for any other classes?" she asked me.

It caught me by surprise. Other enrichment classes had never crossed my mind, and that was how I responded.

That was when I realised that my daughter's classmate attended not just Chinese enrichment, but a few other classes, including phonics.

I cannot recall exactly what other classes were mentioned. But I do remember the sense of heaviness I felt after our children were dismissed and we said our goodbyes.

"Was I shortchanging my daughter?" I wondered aloud to my husband as we drove home.

It had been a conscious decision made early on in our parenting journey to let our daughter enjoy free, unstructured play. We preferred to stoke her appetite for learning through trips to the library or everyday activities like learning mathematics at the supermarket.

This Chinese enrichment class was carefully chosen for its play-based approach and the one and only enrichment class my husband and I had agreed on.

That was what he reminded me as he drove on, and we changed the subject to our dinner plans.

It was good to hear that the other mum had decided to invest in her son's education. But try as I might, I couldn't shake the discomfort.

THE CULTURE OF COMPARISON Every generation of mothers has had its own share of pressures.