Why networking is not working for some women

We shouldn't have to second-guess our professional interactions with men. Here's how we can drive real change.

- Debbie Yong

In 2024, on the cusp of turning 40, I left a stable, salaried job to take a sabbatical and figure out my next move.

Since then, I've been on a networking bender. I put myself out there and shared openly on LinkedIn about my career transition.

Messages poured in—and so did the connection requests: old friends, new acquaintances, kindred spirits and, notably, men in positions of power.

Because I wanted to pivot from journalism into strategic communications and executive branding, I viewed connections from these men as valuable conversations, and even future mentors or business leads.

So, I accepted the invitations and showed up for coffee. We talked shop, exchanged insights, and shared stories both professional and personal. I often walked away thinking I had made a powerful new friend and potential ally.

That's when things started getting funny.

"You're very attractive. I wanted to give you a hug," came a text message from one senior male leader after we parted ways.

Then, there were others too subtle to call out: "Do you wear batik? You should. I'll buy it for you the next time I see you."

When I mention this to other women, they, too, have their own stories to tell—transgressions that make my encounters look mild. The stories range from uncomfortable compliments on their body parts to overt physical sexual intimidation, from men who were clearly aware of the power they wield.

Over the years, I have learned to address such overtures directly. "I'm happily married, but I'd like to stay friends," or "I would love to meet your wife too, perhaps on our next catch-up?"

I also deflect by mentioning my husband and children, yet that doesn't always deter advances. As a female friend put it bluntly: "It just tells them you won't leave your family, so they assume you're safe for no-strings-attached fun."