How Was School Today? How To Help Kids Open Up And Say More Than 'Fine'

There are several things you can do to encourage a more informative conversation with your child.

- Madeleine Fraser

One of the first things parents want to ask their children after school is, "How was your day?" We simply want to know how they are doing and what happened at school.

But these conversations can feel like pulling teeth. Often you may get only a "good" or "fine" (if you're lucky).

Why are children reluctant to divulge information about their day, and how can you encourage more details?

WHY DON'T KIDS LIKE TO TALK?

School can be overwhelming with diverse social, academic and physical demands.

It may seem simple, but a genuine answer to the "How was school today?" question requires considerable effort and decision-making to synthesize information from a busy day. A child may also be hesitant to answer if he thinks a parent's response might be anger, worry or confusion.

Children are also likely to be hungry and tired straight after school. They are probably thinking about a snack before a chat. If you think of psychologist Abraham Maslow's famous theory about a "hierarchy of needs," survival needs like hunger are ideally met before communication and connection.

Children have also not yet fully developed a theory of mind (an ability to image what's going on in another person's mind). So they might not understand why their parent is asking about school or what it is they want to know.

HOW CAN YOU PREPARE FOR A CHAT?

There are several things you can do to encourage a more informative conversation with your child.