How to scratch that 7-year itch and save a marriage

Some couples simply lack the skills to manage conflict. Premarital counselling can help.

- June Yong

Adrian and Natalie have been married for 23 years and have two teenage children. Not long back, they found themselves on the brink of divorce. Filled with hurt and anger, which were exacerbated by financial disagreements, they realised they had never really learnt how to communicate properly with each other, and lacked the skills to work through their differences.

As a last-ditch effort to salvage their marriage, the couple decided to seek marriage mentoring. After receiving help and guidance to resolve their differences, they reconciled, and are now better equipped to work through their problems.

According to the latest national statistics on marriage and divorce, marriages are on a downward trend, and divorce rates are rising. Stories like Adrian and Natalie's are beginning to sound more and more familiar, except not with the rosy ending. A total of 7,382 marriages ended in a divorce or annulment in 2024, a 3.7 per cent increase from 7,118 in 2023.

How do we ensure our own marriage bucks the divorce trend?

THE LOST ART OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION The mere mention of the word "conflict" can send a shiver down our spines. Many of us gravitate to either being conflict avoidant or overly confrontational. And unfortunately, the most tension-filled marriages often comprise spouses that fall in opposing camps — one trying to avoid conflict, the other eager to confront.

Thankfully, conflicts can be managed and the skills to do so can easily be taught. In fact, communication and conflict management are two sides of the same coin. And in today's digital world where more people communicate in short text messages instead of having face-to-face conversations, such skills may prove all the more essential.