It's a privilege to choose my own bedtime

Vulnerable people often can't afford to pay for basic independence, writes Melanie Reid

- Melanie Reid

If you lost your physical independence, what would you miss the most? Maybe the sentence should start with a “when”, because the frailty of old age almost inevitably poses the same question.

Having studied my own winning hand of lost freedoms, I’ve reconciled myself to the basic ones: I need help to wash and dress in the morning. I'm over it. But the thing I mourned above all was the more nuanced freedom to choose when I wanted to go to bed.

Sounds simple, doesn’t it? But it’s profound. It’s the difference between being an individual and being institutionalised. Between spontaneity and a staff rota drawn up weeks before. The psyche is offended by imposed bedtimes. They have the resonance of childhood, school rules, regression from adulthood. They oppress. No, you can’t go outside and enjoy the sounds of the countryside at night. No, you can’t watch another episode on TV. No, you can't raid the fridge for cheese. You must get ready for the carer coming.