But for Mom's surprise, our US trip was a bum deal

Our family holiday started with an LAX strip search, which opened a Pandora's chest of secrets

- David Sedaris

Last summer my dad took our family to Australia for vacation. It was July - winter in Sydney - but still it was warmish and sunny and we had an awesome time.

I'm sometimes pretty picky about food, but this was all great in my opinion. One night we ate kangaroo burgers while watching the sun set! Everyone we met was super nice and we loved the wildlife. I gave the country five stars - the highest rating possible. Check it out if you ever get the chance!

Australia was very much on my mind last month as we headed to the US for this year's summer vacation. We flew into Los Angeles where, after landing, we were taken to a room and strip searched - my mother, my father, my sister, and me. There was just one officer for all of us. My dad and I asked if we could wait outside until the ladies were done but he said "No" and "Shut up, you."

I kept my eyes closed because I didn't want to see my mom naked but when the guy stuck his finger in my butt I opened them out of pain and surprise and saw that my mother didn't have any breasts, just scars across her chest.