Good grief, a huge supply of peanuts, and no Forest goal

EXCUSE the excessive alliteration, but peanuts have been particularly prominent in my life this week, and I took this as a sign that I should write about them.

- Peter Mortimer

“Explain yourself, I almost hear you demand vigorously... and so I will.

Firstly, I was shopping in that interesting and friendly outlet on Tynemouth Metro, ‘Buy the Kilo!

‘The intention was to purchase a small supply of unsalted fresh peanuts, but something went wrong in my calculations and I was too abashed to tell the assistant that I'd screwed up.

Hence, I walked out the shop clutching a bag of peanuts that seemingly weighed as much as a sack of potatoes and cost me almost fifteen quid. Yes, fifteen quid!

Awhole lotta nuts. I staggered to the Metro, declining the assistance offered by several old ladies, travelled the one stop to Cullercoats and heaved myself across the bridge and into my ’umble abode.

Let me emphasise here that I prefer peanuts in this raw, uncooked, unsalted state.

Ido not like them when added to say, chocolate or butter - yuk to both of those options.

Tam the same with almond nuts. Leave them untouched and I am fine. Start grinding and messing with almonds, pushing them closer to that aberration called marzipan and I am reaching for the vomit bowl.