How do I ask for help when I’m ashamed of being weak?

The Indy’s agony aunt Victoria Richards lends a listening ear

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Dear Vix,

I’m a few months from turning 65, here in Canada. I live with my 33-year-old son, whereas my daughter is on her own and married. My daughter is very helpful and supportive, as is my son (but to a quieter degree). In 2020, my common-law wife died from Alzheimer’s. I was two weeks into my 59th year. I was laid off from my job in early 2022, then laid off again in August 2023.

I drink every day and smoke - the drinking is a lifelong habit, passed down from family. I am living off meagre savings that will run out within six months. My son does help financially a bit, but I am looking at the prospect of living with my daughter for survival and monetary help.

I’m losing any self-worth I had as a man or human being, and any grain of self-respect/pride/independence. I tend to be very stubborn in accepting help, as I feel asking for help is a sign of weakness. I also have heart issues where I’ve been told that to lessen the chance of a stroke, I need to quit drinking.

I keep telling myself that all I want is PEACE AND CONTENTMENT - but while writing this letter, I feel that pigs will fly first. I’m getting quite tired of digging through the shit to get to the gold. It feels like one step forward, three steps back.

In Despair

Dear In Despair,

What a nasty set of knocks you’ve had. First, you lost your wife just six years ago from a devastating disease - I’m so sorry for your loss. That must have been a tremendous shock. Then, you lost your job - twice, in short succession. Not only did that coincide with your grieving process, but coming (as it did) around a “milestone” birthday - and set against the backdrop of a global pandemic, when we were all locked down - it must have set in motion feelings that absolutely anyone would be struggling with.