Our lunch guests are always prompt... so where are they?

My wife and I are having people to lunch - another couple; old friends. It’s supposed to be an informal affair, but it’s been a long time in the planning because, unlike us, our guests are busy people, and hard to nail down.

- Tim Dowling

Besides, if you have weeks to plan a lunch it can’t be that informal - you don’t want to make it seem as if you woke up that morning still having no idea what you were going to cook, even if that is the case.

“Maybe pork?” my wife says.

“If they both still eat meat, that’s fine,” I say.

“And then I was thinking of something with chickpeas, and spinach, and maybe tomatoes...”

“This is just a list of ingredients,” I say. “If you want me to cook something, I have to know what it is.”

By 10.45am the meat is in the oven. I’m triangulating online recipes based on the ingredients in the shopping bag, and my wife is constructing a pear tart under my unstinting micromanagement.

“How’s this?” she says.

“You need to jam them in tighter than that,” I say.

By 12.30pm the table is laid. My wife has even ironed the napkins.

At 1pm the meat is resting and the pear tart is ready for the oven.

“What time did they say they’d be here?” I say.