You are probably doing small talk wrong

There’s a moment in human connection that defies easy explanation — that sudden, electric feeling when you meet someone and feel your minds merge.

- The authors, Maya Rossignac-Milon and Erica Boothby, are behavioural scientists.

It happened to the two of us when we met at a psychology symposium: Our small talk during a break quickly gave way to playful theories about coffee drinkers versus tea drinkers. We went to find seats together, unaware that this conversation was the start of a decade-long collaboration and friendship.

Where does that spark come from, exactly? What makes someone feel like a lifelong friend after just a couple of minutes? People tend to assume its similarity: that they are especially likely to hit it off with someone who shares their background or personality traits.

But in our research, we've found that many of the strongest bonds come less from preexisting similarity and more from riffing playfully.