Is micro-cheating taking a toll on your relationship?

Is 'liking' an ex's reel or midnight texting with a teammate cheating? Crossing small lines in a relationship can be a breach of trust

- Debarati Chakraborty

We've been together for a few years, but I found out recently that my fiancé was flirting with his female friends and the women he met during his travels," says MS, a 26-year-old management trainee from Chandigarh. Although there wasn't any physical infidelity, the emotional toll on MS has been immense. She says there's now a huge trust deficit between them.

What MS experienced is an example of micro-cheating, a relationship issue that is often perceived as less severe than physical infidelity, but can be equally damaging.

"Micro-cheating undermines the foundations of transparency and security in a relationship. The breach of trust can destabilize relational bonds and disrupt healthy communication patterns. Clinically, it's important to view micro-cheating within the context of each couple's agreed-upon boundaries," explains Rimpa Sarkar, a clinical psychologist and the founder of Sentier Wellness, Mumbai.

DEFINING MICRO-CHEATINGMicro-cheating is a fluid concept, varying greatly from one relationship to another. It can be defined as the phenomena where one or both partners engage in seemingly innocent behavior which, when discovered, can feel like a betrayal.

"It's the underlying emotional disconnect and the breach of trust that can lead to distress in a relationship," says Shaurya Gahlawat, a psychologist, couples therapist and the founder of Therapy With Shaurya, Gurugram.

Micro-cheating may often reveal deeper issues such as unmet needs, low self-esteem, unresolved conflicts or communication breakdowns in current relationships. The key is to understand that micro-cheating is more about intention and impact than specific behavior. With social media, instant messaging and round-the-clock communication, subtle behaviors that aren't blatantly adulterous can still betray a partner's trust.